S1E5: Turn Compassion Into a Superpower That Drives Results w/ Tara McCool
In this episode, I chat with Tara McCool. She helps leaders create cohesive, high-functioning teams. We talk about compassion, listening, social dynamics, and so much more.
Connect with Tara:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taramccoolcoaching/
Website: https://taramccool.com/
Tish (00:01):
Hi, Tara. Hello. Thank you so much. I know I've thanked you probably about 50 times already. But you are giving me a couple minutes of your time today. You have inspired me more than you realize now. I just had a quick chat with you yesterday, but I wanted to let the people listening know, first of all who you are and how we connected. So I also am going to give you a quick opportunity to give the people who are listening, three about how you've become who you are over the last several years. So Tara is someone that I followed on TV, you were like the local celebrity on TV. I think I actually trained your co host for a little bit of time. I'm not going to say for sure, but I'm pretty sure I didn't know this was a long time ago. And then more mutual friends obviously being now you're also in the fitness industry a little bit part time as it is your passion as well. I always just thought you were such an inspirational woman, your vibe, your energy, just through the TV was just breath.
Tish (00:50):
You're first of all you're I need to know that is fine. Thank Wow. Yeah, it's just you know how there's certain people in this world that you are drawn to, you've always been that person for me. I know I've never actually said that to you face to face. But we've never, you know, we have never actually had a lot of one on one time together. We connect through a lot through social media and through training, which is pretty cool. So I've literally haven't had an opportunity to ever sit down and have a conversation with you, which is very exciting. We've always sort of connected through you know, the Cody Snyder ballbusting event. Hi, Tara. Hi, Tish. I know that we know each other kind of thing. Yeah, I never really had an opportunity to sit down and chat. And so for those of you who are listening, Tara is an expert in broadcasting. She just did it for 20 years.
Tara (02:20):
I don't know if I'd say expert. I was still learning at the very end of it.
Tish (02:28):
Well, I don't know if you come across someone that is? Well, for example, when the first lockdowns happened almost two years ago, I wanted to make sure that I connected with all of my boot camp girls, basically the gyms closed like that. And so I wanted to make sure that they knew that I was still showing up for them. And I started just doing these live workouts, basically more for me than for my clients, but you jumped on those workouts, and for some strange reason, they cause me a great deal of anxiety. Even though most of these people are people I train face to face on a day to day basis. There were some, you know, strangers, people I didn't know joining in, and I'm always a sensitive person. I'm trying not to be as sensitive because you need to become thicker in this world right now, but I am a sensitive person. And so I do worry about what people think about me and I'm working on that. That is something I really struggle with. But the fact that you reached out to me in such a kind manner, and said I was actually being on TV, going on TV used to do this certain breathing technique, and you taught it, you literally typed out what to do and how to do it.
Tish (03:44):
And I have to say Tara was first so generous, and so kind to make that effort. But also, it helped. And that's what I did continually. And that's what I do when I go in front of my phone on social media now. So that's what I do: The breathing technique I do when something triggers me on social media or something on the news. And so you are teaching me that I do appreciate that. And just quickly. Another thing before I get you into talking about yourself is because you spent 20 years as a broadcaster, but then you shift, you shift gears for about 10 years and even though and I would like to ask a little bit about why to change from broadcasting to something like oil and gas now I know it was in communications and human resources and that was your specialty. But what was sort of the biggest shift for you and what made 20 years that's a huge commitment. That's a very comfortable career for many years. What made you decide to do that shift and what was it about? That's because you were in Calgary.
Broadcasting and Communication
Tara (05:00):
Well, I certainly never saw myself getting into oil and gas ever. But when I was on TV, you know, when you just know that it's that it's time. You know, we love the people I was working with, and live TV, there's just nothing like it, you cannot compare anything to doing live TV. It's, it's amazing and, and I was working with such fantastic people both on air and behind the scenes. And but I just, you know, there was there was something happening in broadcasting where all of a sudden, you know, it was all the big companies that were owning just a few of us and, and they were based out of Toronto, and I found that they were just not quite in tune with what was happening in Calgary. And so it just, it just wasn't feeling right anymore. As much as I really wanted to still hang out with Dave and the crew and, and do all, you know, be on live on TV. I also knew it was time for me to get to spend some more time with my kids. They were getting older. So certainly the schedule had something to do with it. I was getting up early and having to go to bed early, and it was just interfering with our lives. And so I quit without having anything to go to.
Tara (06:23):
And yeah, so it was a big step. And that was kind of all I knew was being on TV. But there was a friend of mine who had been calling me for probably a couple years saying you need to get into oil and gas, you have to get into oil and gas like this is this is going to be so good for you. And I was like, Oh, I have zero desire to get into that industry. I don't know anything about it. And I just don't want to. Well, long story short, I ended up at the Premier's table with this company. It was called Meg energy. And then I ended up with a job. And so, you know, it was a door that opened. And for a while I kept thinking, Well, no, I'm not going to, I'm going to go for this job. But I'm going to and I want to get the job. But I'm not going to go for it and actually walk through the door. But the door opened. And then I thought, well, what am I doing? Like I'm not doing anything, I'm going to go learn about something new. And so yeah, I walked through the door and had a lot to learn. It was a very steep learning curve for pretty much the entire 10 years that I was there. But a really great experience that gave me a ton of opportunity.
Tish (07:43):
Awesome. And so was it like a communication, human resource job right up front? Or was that something that kind of you grew into?
Tara (07:53):
Yeah, it morphed. So I started with communications. And then both internal and external. And at that time, they didn't have any, they didn't have any communications group, they didn't have any community investment. So it was really great, because I got to build all that up. And so I worked in and then mostly focused on internal communications until I came back to external and internal towards the end, but then ended up in HR and ended up leading all of those groups, by the end of it. And so again, it was a ton of learning, which is probably why I was there for 10 years, because that's a long time to be at a company. But I was growing and learning every single day. And I had the most amazing teams who would teach me everything I needed. I needed to know and so it was a pretty special time to be there.
Tish (08:50):
Yeah, you basically just said something that so many people will relate to learning and growing. And as long as you're in a position in your career, or in a relationship or a friendship for that matter. As long as you feel like you're continually growing as a person, you will stick with it forever because it's so rewarding. And, and that is I that is something that I hear a lot with. And so that sounds like that is why you grew so quickly and why you were so successful in that company now. Now you run your own business, your own coaching business. And I love that your whole drive to your business is helping and supporting leaders become more compassionate. And that really resonated. I mean, obviously that's who you are as a person, the most one of the most compassionate loving people that I have ever experienced in my life.
Tish (09:48):
And even though it's just a little bit you really do have a very genuine, compassionate vibe that goes With with that, and everyone that I speak about, speak about you to people who know you mutually say the exact same thing, because we do know actually a ton of mutual people, which is, you know, not surprising it being in Calgary, it's a small sense. So what made you tell us a little bit about what your coaching is specifically, and what made you kind of focus on that compassionate side of things, because as a leader, there's so much to it. And there's so many definitions of what a leader is. And so I would love to hear your feedback or what you feel compiled comprises a leader, but also, how did you get going into this your own little business, because that's a huge step after 10 years,
Tara (10:51):
It is a daunting kind of scary, I am not used to working by myself, which has been kind of weird, for the time being, anyway, until I'm able to build up a team. But I'll start with that kind of the transition into it is, that was one part that I really, really loved about working in HR was being able to work with leaders and with employees, working through conflict and working through challenging situations that they were going through and being able to talk about, maybe how the other person might be feeling on the other end of the conflict. And what was amazing to me was when you're talking to somebody about a conflict that they're going through, and you just take a moment to really de-escalate by thinking about other perspectives, it can change, it can change the entire relationship, like just just changing your outlook. And your perspective can change the relationship and de-escalate things for yourself, right? So managing your own energy around how a person is acting, so whether the person is in the right or the wrong, it doesn't really matter.
Tara (12:07):
If you're able to think about how that other person might be feeling, why they might be acting that way. It helps your own energy. And so that's what I really focused on a lot was because, you know, in some cases, you are working with people who are just hard to work with. So you know, you're you can't change them as a leader, you can certainly you have some control over behavior, there's no question. But if it's a co worker, you know, how do you manage that on a day to day without driving yourself crazy and really impacting your mental health? Because it does. So, you know, I loved that part of it. And seeing how just a little shift in perspective from both the leader and employee perspective can actually help build relationships and de-escalate situations for people so that they aren't taking it home with them. And so they were realizing that maybe it wasn't all about them. And so I wanted to take that into, and that to be my specialty, and just focus on that.
Tara (13:09):
So that's why I started this consulting business focusing on Compassionate Leadership, because I really, do you feel like it's a movement, and that people are craving compassion, more compassion in the world and more understanding. And you know, one of the things that I got quite a bit of pushback on from people, as I started to float this idea out there was, Oh, God is like, a soft, that's too soft. You know, like, I'm a CEO, I need to be strong. And my answer to that is, it actually takes an incredible amount of strength to be a compassionate leader. And you have to be willing to have tough conversations, and you have to be willing to stand your ground, and you have to be willing to take action. And those are all really strong things that compassionate leaders do. If you're a leader who just has your head in the sand and just thinks that they'll work things out. That's easy. And it's kind of like a cowardly way to lead. Right and kind of selfish. So I think that you know, Compassionate Leadership is definitely the way forward for people and I think that you see a lot of more progressive global leaders acting this way, whether they call it compassionate leadership or not. This is the way that your top leaders in the world act.
Tish (14:38):
I love that. That is. What would you feel? Do you feel like there's more pushback for leaders in the like in the theme with and because it is, I think harder sometimes for women to take more of a leadership role. Are you getting that sense? Or that when you communicate with different leaders? Is there more pushback from women or men or both? And I find it interesting that there's that pushback, because you're so strong a leader is compassionate, or a successful leader needs to be compassionate, to see and in their viewpoints and to to hear the person speaking to them. And you're right, in my experiences of dealing with other leaders, I haven't found that they're the most compassionate people. So I'll let you answer that question. What is your feeling between men and women? Are you helping more women than men? Are they? Does that do? Prince?
Tara (15:42):
No, I don't. I know, in my personal experience, no, I do know that there's a lot of information out there, I've read a lot about that, where women are saying, you know, I, I can't be that soft person, because I'm a woman. And people automatically stereotype me as being a softer leader. I don't even like the word soft, as in terms of skills. And Simon Sinek talks about this all the time, that they're more, they're human skills, not soft skills. But I haven't found this to be the case, actually, with the people that I'm working with. I haven't found gender to be a real issue here. Either people understand what needs to be done, or they don't. And they understand what Compassionate Leadership there is, or they don't, and it really doesn't have anything to do with gender. Women, what I have found, in my experience with with working with women and coaching women, is that they are way more open to expressing the truth and being genuinely helpful with people in terms of giving them real feedback, whether it's hard, or it's positive, and, and not allowing specific behaviors to go on in their teams.
Tara (16:58):
So I find women to be very strong leaders in that capacity, because they actually will take time to be in tune with what's going and they notice, they notice when something's off, which is one of the key foundations of Compassionate Leadership, you have to you have to be in the trenches to actually notice that something's off. And then you have to be willing to take action to help whatever's going on. So, you know, if let's just take an example of there's one person who's got really toxic behavior on a team. So if you ignore that, you're basically telling the rest of the team that you don't care about how that person is treating them and that you support that behavior. Whereas if you have a conversation with the person who's got the toxic behavior, saying, hey, you know, this is just FYI, what's going on? And, you know, do you understand that this is how your behaviors impact people doesn't mean your back, including the person who has toxic behavior. So you know, that's, I think, a really important piece. And, the feedback portion of this is important in how you actually deliver negative feedback. So is your intention to help them and make them better? Or just to point out what they did wrong? So I think that's a big distinction. And if a person truly knows that you are giving them feedback to make them better, and to help them is received completely differently.
Tish (18:40):
Yeah, amen to that. I mean, what a timely conversation, this is Tara, it is in this, the way that we are, what we're going through as a world right now, is something that none of us have ever experienced. And so I feel like, even though you're talking about being like leaders, and being compassionate, I think, in general in life forever, not just now, we need to have that outlook and that approach to dealing with different people's opinions. And I think, I don't want to get too much into everything that's going on. I really, really want this to always remain positive. But I do feel like if we, as a world as a person, as people on this planet, could literally stop. listen with an open mind or an open heart to other people's opinions. I truly feel compassion. I truly feel like so much of this divide would not even be happening right now. I feel like we're just this is our opinion.
Tish (19:53):
We're sticking to it and we are not open to learning and I think that that's what we're on. What I'm struggling the most right now is that I feel like I am not able to communicate to people how I'm feeling or what I'm going through at this time. And yet, I will give anyone any, any time to sit down and give me there. And it helps because, you know, I listen to podcasts all the time. And the one thing I learned from a particular podcast that I just listened to is peep at their opinions. People are, you know, I think that people really hang on to the fact that even though people have an opinion or belief, it doesn't make them that doesn't make them that person. And your beliefs and your opinions can change if we actually sit down, and listen and see other sides. And so portion, I think, right now is so timely for us to have this conversation, not just day to day in leadership and careers, but just in, in the world in general.
Listening and Understanding
Tara (21:06):
Oh, I couldn't agree more. It's just the division right now, whether it's politics, the environment, the vaccines, whatever it is, we are incredibly divided. I have watched this happen over the last before all of the COVID. And everything I've been watching this happen, I really saw it when I was working in the oil industry, where people just shut down and didn't want to have the conversation if you didn't agree with them. And that I think is really sad, because you lose your opportunity to learn. And so compassion is all about just taking the time to as you said, listen, right, the best leaders in the world sit and listen, they're much more quiet than you would expect. Right? Because they want to hear other people's perspectives doesn't mean that they're going to agree with them. But just listening and understanding and taking a moment to understand how someone else is feeling and why they have the perspectives they have, is so important to minimizing this divide that we have. So you know, we can all live in the same world and all in the same society and have different opinions, but still love each other and respect each other's opportunity to have an opinion. Right?
Tara (22:37):
So that's what I find so troubling is that you're just canceled if you have a different opinion than someone else on the other side, and I don't care which way you sit on any of these fences, it's the same way on both sides. And I think that politicians are to blame for this, I find that there's a lot of intolerance with other opinions. And, you know, you kind of mobilize your crew to get them to feel the same way. And you know, we're not going to tolerate this or that or that or listen to other perspectives. And that just doesn't help us move forward. As a country, as a world as you know, as people. So if you take that that's kind of on a macro level, right. But I mean, on a micro level, when we're talking about us as individuals. I just think that you lose, you lose credibility, you lose perspective, and you lose your own humility as a human being, if you're not willing to listen to what other people think. And how boring if you're just around people who feel the same way you do about everything. And you know, that confirmation bias is real.
Tish (23:58):
It is real and you're right, it is comfortable, but very boring to surround. Same opinions day in and day out. And it's so it's so incredibly true when you say you just need to listen. I mean, how many times have you been told not you, but have you wanted to say to someone, can you just stop talking and listen to me and just like Just hear me out and you know, Neil is someone that I respect obviously being my husband, I really do look up to him for a lot of business advice. I'm not a business person. I'm a trainer, I program design, I connect with people, but the business side of things is very difficult for me. And when I first started the very thing, the first thing he said to me, and I remember this and it just reminded me when you said listen, is he said most people talk too much and they don't listen And I thought, Wow, is that ever true? And I talk a lot, I'd really love to talk. And he always is the listener. I mean, that's just his MO. He's always been the person that sits and listens. So probably one of the smartest people that I know. And I and so that's probably why I respect it so much so that you also just kind of said, you know, people just don't listen, I think in general, that's the problem is people want to be right all the time. And it's hard to be wrong. And it's hard to admit when you're wrong. And it's hard to apologize. And it's hard to be that person. But it's so empowering. And if you're right, it is boring to be the same way all the time. And so this is this, this kind of conversation really excites me because I think, because you're so respected in your, in the community, everyone knows who you are. And I think it's so important that people listen to especially women, but people in general, need to hear what you're saying, because it's so simple. But yet, it's so simple to hear and digest, but it's so hard to actually execute, don't you?
Execution
Tara (26:20):
Well, it's one of you know, I give this challenge to leaders that I work with is, the next meeting you go into, don't say a word. And when but when you're listening, don't listen to respond and don't listen, thinking of all the things you're going to respond with, listen to actually understand what they're saying and their perspective. And it's really interesting, because, you know, the leaders who typically go in and just, you know, they want to kind of hear, but they don't really want to hear what people have to say they lose the opportunity to to advance their businesses. I mean, that's what we're talking about right now, what's all over the news, the importance of having diversity and inclusion? You know, you need to Yes, you need to have a diverse board, a diverse management team, diverse executive team, diverse employee base.
Tara (27:19):
That's how you get great results. But you have to be willing to listen and include all of those people in the discussion. Right? So where, why not have that in your everyday life as well. So do you have to have it in business? Why aren't we demanding it in our personal lives as well? And rounding out our thoughts on what we think about things like I remember, I have I still we're still very good friends. But, you know, we would talk about, we completely disagreed on politics, and religion. But we were really good friends. And I would ask her all sorts of questions about her perspective. And she would ask me all sorts of questions about my perspective, and we would disagree, but we loved each other. And we'd say, Okay, see you next week for coffee. And that would kind of be it. I missed that, I miss being able to have those. And I still can, with some close friends, for sure. But I miss being able to have that dialogue. And I think that social media is a big piece of that, where it's easy for people to just rail off anonymously, or, you know, just type something in without really thinking about how it's going to impact the person on the other side. And so, you know, just taking a moment to really recognize that the reason that this person is sharing this information with you is because that's how they are truly feeling about something and it's important enough to them, to share it with you.
Tara (28:59):
So honor that, listen to it, learn from it, don't have to agree. You don't have to say you're wrong. You don't have to genuinely agree with it. But recognizing Okay, well, we feel differently about this. And I mean, obviously there are extremes where you know, you have a I have it, you got a no go zone, we're like no, okay, well, that's illegal behavior. And I know, that's different. I'm just talking about opinions about you know, about whether it's politics, religion, whatever that is, we should all be able to feel the way that we want to, and what feels right to us inside where we want to side but still be friends with people who think differently.
Tish (29:44):
Amen. Yeah, it's, that is so eloquently said, Tara, thank you. I love that now. Do you have any other tips and suggestions that you would sharing to either people that you have Coach or just people in general who are struggling in their leadership roles, or just struggling in general, with the divide that's going on, I just, you're just you have so much to share, I want to give you the opportunity to share all of your incredible wisdom.
Struggling in Leadership
Tara (30:17):
Well, I think that you have a lot of different options there. And I think that, if you're struggling with anything, it's really important to ground into compassion for yourself. So if you're starting to go deep with really being hard on yourself, it's a great idea to take a moment and write down if you were your best friend, if what were you were going through, if your best friend, sorry, let me rephrase that, if your best friend was going through what you're going through, and having the same thoughts about herself or himself, as you're having, what would you say to your best friend, to help them feel better, write those things down, and say those things to yourself, have some self compassion.
Tara (31:10):
And then also, if you're dealing with a really challenging situation, with somebody who's been hard to get along with or has been unkind to you, take a moment to think about their perspective, and why they're reacting the where the way that they are reacting, sometimes it's not about you, a lot of times, it's not about you. So, you know, take comfort in that. And allow that to de-escalate the situation for yourself so that you aren't compromising your own mental health and your own energy, because of how someone else is treating you. It's not about you, a lot of times it is about you, you know, you got to take accountability when it is about you. But sometimes it isn't. And so you just it's such a nice way to relieve that energy, and not allow someone else to take your Oh, your power. Don't allow other people to take your power and your energy away from you. Hold it tight to your heart and have compassion for yourself.
Tish (32:21)
I love that you're an amazing, incredible woman. I have one more quick question. Yeah. Now, what wasn't my question, um, I have 1000 going on in my head when you're talking? Because you're bringing up so many good points. Oh, yeah, I remember, it is easy to say when you know, when you're in a situation, and it is, and you were being talked to a certain way or, you know, you've been, you're getting gaslighted or you're getting that your pointer your finger pointed at and, and you're having that conversation. And you're and I will do my very best, because that has happened to me a few times over the last year, more this year than ever, in my whole life.
Tish (33:10):
And I think it has a lot to do with exposure, me putting myself out there more. And so when you recommend to someone like me who's struggling in a conversation that is not going well. And they're getting aggressive and you're sitting there staying calm, and you're trying to not take it personally. And yet and also remind yourself this, this is not about you that there's probably more going on in their life and you know about it then that is when you take the step back, and you try to be compassionate about why they're feeling the way they are. And so if you sit down and you listen, and you're open to that feedback, and you're open to understanding why they're talking to you that way or expressing a certain way towards you but it doesn't really feel like it's ever reciprocated it doesn't it when you feel like you're constantly the one that is trying to understand but the other side isn't trying as well is there does there come a time in certain one's life and you you may not have the answer but you you seem to probably have a better insight than I would. When is it when you just go you know what?
Tish (34:20):
Maybe this relationship environment situation isn't healthy for me anymore. When do you get to that point or do you just listen to your god or I mean because I once was told this is getting quite open and quite I'm sharing more than I thought I would. But over a decade ago, I had ended a very, very close relationship very, very close. And one of the things that this person said to me was you, you can't keep friends, you, you have an inability to maintain friendships. And you think the sun rises and shines, rises and shines down on you. So you know, basically telling me that I was a selfish ignorant egocentric person and after that conversation, I self reflected. And I said, Is there any grounds for where she's coming from? And at that point, we're talking over a decade ago, I did see where she was coming from in a lot of her statements. Although I felt hurt. I want to tap into what she was saying, acknowledge why she was saying it and make efforts to be a better communicator, better friend, etc. And I did take from that ending of a relationship. I did feel like I learned a lot from it, but that ended the relationship and it has literally been over a decade and I was comfortable with walking away. And when do you get to the point where your efforts, compassion, your work are met the same with your giving but you don’t see that it ever reciprocated. When is it okay to just go? How and when do you know a relationship is salvaging and when you feel like you are constantly the one giving and taking and listening? When do you finally say maybe it’s just not worth fighting anymore?
Managing Conflict
Tara (39:31):
So number one, I think it's really good. That your friend was open with you in giving your feed her feedback with how she felt about you and I think it's really Good that you also took some time to reflect on what she had said. And really consider whether or not you were going to place some weight on that. Because that's one thing with feedback that's really important that everybody's going to have opinions. Sometimes you can take feedback and learn from it. And sometimes you can think, Okay, well, that's, I appreciate that. And I'll learn from it. But I'm not really sure I agree with that. So, you know, but again, you do need to make sure that you stay accountable when you're given feedback, whether it's solicited or unsolicited feedback. Sometimes people are just being mean.
Tara (38:02):
And again, it's coming from a different place and not a place with good intentions. But there's no question that sometimes friendships or relationships just need to end. And the way to determine that is to say, Okay, I mean, number one, friendships or relationships, they go through ebbs and flows, right. Everybody goes through different times in their lives, where they may not be the best friend, they may not be as attentive, they may not be, have the listening skills that the friendship needs. But perhaps they're going through something. So everybody goes through that with long term relationships, or long term friendships. But I think that you know, if that if it's happening consistently, and you find that the energy that this person is bringing is always more negative, and you always feel down after being with them, or, after spending time with them, or speaking with them, or texting, whatever the relationship is, and however you're communicating, if you find that you're always being drawn down, and your energy is down, and somehow you're feeling really badly about yourself, or you're just feeling kind of depressed or down whatever it is, then it's probably time to end that relationship and just say, you know, this isn't working for me, it's not being reciprocated.
Tara (39:35):
I feel like it's a lot of give on my end, and a lot of take on your end. I will accept your feedback. And it's, but it's time for me to move on. Because you always want to surround yourself with people who are going to lift you up, challenge you to be a better person. Right? Not always just going along, saying yes, everything you're doing is great, giving you real feedback, but with the intention to make you better and challenge you and hit your potential. So what I find is when I'm around people like that, who want to push me and will question me and challenge me about things I'm saying or things I'm doing, and I know that they're doing it because they know I can be better than I'm like, I'm inspired and your doubt. So if you surround yourself with those people who are uplifting and challenging you for the right reasons, and you feel joyous and inspired and positive around those people, those are the people to stick with the people who are life suckers and energy suckers, who are constantly negative and dragging you down and questioning everything you do. It's time to move on. And you don't, it's just you don't have to give excuses. This is your life. You get to spend time with whom you want to spend time with. So you know, choose wisely, because it matters. It really matters. Yeah, no question. You should end relationships or friendships when they are not providing value in helping you in some way.
Tish (43:49):
Yeah, amazing. You should be a therapist, your Oh, you have so many things that you have to offer so many people. I've also been to your spin spin class. And I have to say, Tara, I am super picky about people who I go to classes with. They're expensive. First of all, it's always an effort to get in my car to drive there. The whole rigmarole of going to a class it's better. And I have to say you are an incredible instructor on the bike as well as there. Is there something that you aren't good at?
Tara (44:30):
Oh my gosh, I don't have enough time. I have a lot of things that I'm not good at. And then I'm continually working at Oh, man, the list is long, trust me. But I've got three kids to keep me honest.
Tish (44:46):
So I didn't know that you had three kids. I thought you had to
Tara (44:50):
No, I've got a 21 year old an 18 year old and a 15 year old two girls and a boy
Tish (44:57):
right and they're away in school.
Tara (45:01):
Yeah, once away at Dalhousie, she's in her last year for her business degree. And then I have another daughter who's graduated high school. She's taking this year to work and make some money and she plans to go to school for next year. But we'll see where her life takes her. And then my 15 year old is still in high school.
Tish (45:21):
Right? And he's a big hockey player. I hear he loves Hockey.
Tara (45:24):
Hockey is definitely his passion right now. So he Yes, he loves the game he always has.
Tish (45:31):
Awesome. Well, Tara, I have already taken up so much of your time in the last few days. I really did enjoy our conversation on the phone yesterday. And the message today was powerful. And I appreciated it so much. Even just this conversation with you today has taught me so many things on how to handle certain things in my life, certain things and everyone's life a little bit more compassionately. I do appreciate your kind and your wisdom. It is so much appreciated. I'm going to definitely have you on again. Because so yeah, because even though we taught I wanted to talk about this compassionate side of yours, of what you're venturing out into in the coaching, I did want to talk about that because I felt like it was very timely. I also want to have you on again and talk about your fitness and your lifestyle, because you are someone so this is just getting a tease for the next episode that we do. But you are someone that is an inspiration for me not just of who you are as a person, you're so kind and generous. But you're also one of the fittest people that I know. I want to know, on the next podcast, what your secrets are, what your lifestyle is, and that sort of thing. So if you're open to that, that's something I would like to do. Next time we have a chance to talk.
Tara (47:13):
I am and though boy, you might not like some of what you hear. I've been great lately, I've been off my train by dish strong bodies program for a little bit. But as I'm sure you've noticed.
Tish (47:31):
I have but that's okay. You know, I appreciate that. We're all doing the best we can right now. But yes, I am definitely keeping an eye on you. And I will be giving you a little swift kick in the butt. If I don't see you on that app soon.
Tara (47:50):
And gotta get my train. You know, one thing I was thinking to Tish is that, at the very beginning, you talked about that breathing exercise, I feel like I should just let people know quickly what that breathing exercise is a great idea and how, because you never know, you might be in that position where maybe you're going to speak in front of a bunch of people or you're going to do something that's a bit out of your comfort zone, or, you need to have a conversation with your kids about something. And I'd love you to calm down. Right, but I think that so what I do, and this works for me is I breathe in and for four seconds or more. And then I hold it for four seconds. And then I breathe out for more than four seconds. Okay, so in through your nose, hold it. And then breathe out through your mouth. And just do that until you really start to feel yourself calming down and getting to a point where you've got that executive functioning back in your brain and you're you're you're thinking you're thinking clearly, right? Do it till you start to just feel better.
Tish (49:02):
And honestly, getting twice there calms you right down and for some reason, sometimes it's actually hard to do that. Sometimes it literally is so hard to sit and breathe and I'm not sure why I think sometimes we actually want to stay in that anxiety state. We don't, we're not ready to calm ourselves down. But literally one breath it's like the cold water baths that I did last month. Right, I haven't done it for a while just because it's been so cold. But the same thing the breathing just takes and and it physically is doing something to you. It's not just like it's calming you down. But there's actual things that are happening to get you to that state and I think that that's what people need to really know. So thank you for sharing that. That's a great way to end this podcast.
Tara (49:56):
Yeah. Thank you so much. This has been a Lightning for me as well. Thank you.
Tish (50:01):
Well, I appreciate it. Thank you. I'm glad. And until then we will. I'm sure we'll talk. We always connect. I might end up leaning on you more now in the next little while just because I do find such comfort in your energy, so I won't be too annoying, but I am any time.
Tara (50:24):
Okay, you're not annoying at all. You're human. Where we all need to be able to lean on each other. Right now.
Tish (50:33):
It's true. Yeah, be open. Yep. Amen. Okay, well, thank you, Tara. I'm going to stop the broadcast. Don't go anywhere because I want to have a quick little chat with you at the end. Bye, everyone.